The Vampire Angst Horror

*Disclaimer: the following is MY opinion and my opinion ONLY. I do not begrudge someone their love of any of the subjects that I am discussing. Just don't bring them up with me unless you want to hear exactly what is written below. *

Okay- so sue me. I can not stand the new fascination with vampires that our country is experiencing. Saying this, I will admit openly and with pride that I was a big fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer back in the day. I also can claim to unabashedly love the Harry Potter series, as well as the subsequent movies that the books spawned. What is the difference? I'll tell you simply- I don't hold any illusions that I will find a man that is not only an immortal blood-sucker, but who also is all moral sweetness and brooding hotness. It doesn't exist people!!!!

I watched Buffy for the great writing and the characters that played so well off of each other (not for the corny villains and fight scenes). I love Harry Potter for its intricacies and well thought out plot, as well as characters that represent the best and worst of humanity. That said, I will explain why I loathe the supernaturals that are so big today.

I have read all of the Twilight books. I read them because I wanted to know what all the hype was about. I will say that after the first one, I was hooked, BUT as soon as I moved to the second book in the series, I became highly disappointed. I ended up reading all four, only so that I could say that I was not a quitter, but I became more and more displeased the further I got into this so-called saga.

Firstly, I don't like the references to how obsessed and crazy this girl is. We all know how unhealthy it is to be so dependent on someone that it almost kills you if they leave. Hello! What are we teaching our young girls about relationships in general? The Bella character's life revolves around one thing only- Edward. She does not have aspirations for a career or even college. All she wants is to be immortal with this hundred year old vampire. How pathetic and...boring. The second book was all about whining and wallowing and basically giving up on life because of a guy. Come on, people! Add on top of this the blatant chauvinism in the vampire world- did anyone else notice that only the men can "turn" people? No? Well, read harder. See past the syrupy love story that has ensnared so many pubescent and menopausal women.

I don't have time or the energy to go into the other two- True Blood (excuse to see dirty smut with Southern accents) and Vampire Diaries (throw a pair of fangs on the cast of 90210). In general, I like to let people have their guilty pleasures, HOWEVER, Twilight truly takes the cake. If I have to hear about Robert Pattinson and Kirsten Stewart one more time, I might ask to be bitten. As far as the money that it's raking in for the big, bad corporations that benefit from the desperation of our consumer-centric population, it sickens me even more.

Here are some of the products using the Twilight name that we don't need or are so irrelevant that it makes me wonder if we really are the smartest species:

Twilight perfume- What you get when you combine the smell of angst and menstration.

How about a water bottle that joyfully shows off your mental illness?

This last one is the best. This Christmas, put in all the little girls' stockings these Necco wafers that suggest that fondling deadly vampires is equivalent to eating little fruit flavored candies.

For all those I may have offended- tough crap! Someone had to say something eventually. (photos from buytwilightstuff.com and eonline.com)

Putting it all together

Accessories are what makes an outfit for me. I am an accessories girl. Clothes are important, don't get me wrong, but without accessories, there's no statement. For years I have had a hard time "doing casual". I don't know what to do with jeans and a t-shirt, although I own both in somewhat of a multitude and enjoy wearing each one separately. They are comfortable and can be chic if styled properly. However, I have a hard time bridging the casual and dressy gap. I experiment with the wearing-a-statement-necklace-with-jeans-and-a-tshirt look, but have yet to really perfect it. So, with this in mind, I was thinking about how I would ideally accessorize this look (if I had unlimited funds). (photos from: shopbop.com, longchamp.com). Here is my strategy:

With perfectly distressed boyfriend jeans and a perfectly thin white t-shirt, I would wear:

1. Belle by Sigerson Morrison charm flats

2. Kenneth Jay Lane necklace

3. Last, but not least, the new Gatsby bag by Longchamp, in a yummy snake print. I have wanted a Longchamp bag for awhile now and this bag gives me more of a reason to save for one.